Self-confidence vs. Egotism and Pride

Deborah R.: How do we become confident and acknowledge our personal power yet not become open to ego? How does Buddhism view competitiveness?

Lama Surya Das: Self-confidence is good and useful, but we should strive to develop genuine confidence in the right thing. There’s more to this matter of inner empowerment than mere egotism. Do we really know our true selves, which we all are part and parcel of and equally share— or are we merely reveling in egotism and pride, whether subtle or even gross, which separate us from others and also inhibits the realization of our true heart and soul? Which self are we confident in, exactly, one might profitably ask and inquire into. Are you really better than anyone else, except at a few little tasks or skills? Conviction in our own innate Buddha nature or Buddhaness, or the divine within each and all of us is a far cry from what we usually mean by that variety of self-confidence which is so often verging on self-centered egotism and selfishness. This internal conviction born of self-realization is the true source of what you call personal power.

Competitiveness is a slightly different yet related matter. Generally, since you asked about Buddhism in particular, like ambition— competitiveness is viewed as a hindrance and ego-driven obscuration. And yet, we would do well I think to invoke here the Middle Way Rule as a touchstone to keep us within the bounds of fair play, for life is far more interesting and rich than mere black and white thinking. For example, a little competitiveness on the sports field, for example, is not necessarily a bad thing. You and your inner guru—or higher conscience— get to decide what is appropriate for you, at any given time: how much is enough, and what is too much or too little.  Balance is crucial. Is a master golfer competing against his own best score prey to the same ego-issues, do you think, as a hormone-riddled teenage boy competing with his peers while trying to prove himself, stand out from the crowd, be first,  “get the girl” and so forth?

Submitted by Deborah R. via Facebook on September 7th, 2010